Kansas in August

If you recognize that line, you know what I'm writing about, unless I'm being sneaky. Sneaky? Misleading in a title, MOI? No, gentle reader, I do not play "25,000 Pyramid" type games. Remember, when the clues would be something like "blue on blue" and then someone would pick it and Dick Clark would say "Ok, Shelly. Describe things that have to do with rainbows for Betty White."

You don't? Oh. Okay. Take my word for it. And I bet you have no idea what the title means either? Ok, I'll fess up. We're visiting corn again.

I have written before, and I'll write it now: I do NOT like corn. Call me anti-American, but I don't get it. I just don't get it. But I am clearly in the minority here. If you go to the farmers' market about this time of year, you will see hordes of people descending on the corn, as if they were awaiting a CARE package (you do know what that means, don't you? You don't. Oh, dear. Go and ask your mother).

This is the time of year when corn begins flooding the market, and if you like it, you will get your fill, very easily. People who love the stuff tell me that they can make a meal of it, eating six ears or eight ears of corn at a sitting.

I could eat eight ears of corn and not feel full. Give me a big bowl of pasta, and I'm in heaven. Give me corn, and you'd best have something else to give me.

But Guy likes corn. No, Guy LOVES corn. So do many of my friends. We even had a cat once who would fight to get his ear of corn. Oh well, let's just say "Annalena, J, dissents." (the attorneys out there will get it).

But just because I don't really "get" corn does not mean I don't cook it, nor does it mean that I don't know a lot about it. Because there is a lot to know about corn. I will leave out a lot of the stuff and advise you to read up, but there are a few things you know. Corn is what is called an "obligate" plant. What does that mean? It means that corn does not grow without human intervention. It's true. Corn is ultimately derived from a wild grass, which you can see from time to time. If corn is not cared for , fertilized, pollinated, by human intervention, there is no corn. There is no such thing as "wild corn, they way you'll find things like wild strawberries or cherries or grapes ("scuppernongs. " Isn't that a great word?). Also the corn on the cob that you all love, is unripe corn. When corn on the ear ripens, it's a mess. It sort of looks like someone with a bad set of teeth. And it is NOT easy to cook. Go and read about hominy. So, really, even though you don't call it this, what you are eating, is "green" corn. So how do you like that?

Now, when you have decided to buy corn, there are some dos and donts. First, if you want to make sure that you keep in good graces with the farmer, DO NOT pull back the husks to see if the corn is good. Suppose you don't take it? Well, you just condemned that ear of corn to dry out and become unsaleable. How do you decide whether or not to buy the corn? Well, DO do the following things. Squeeze it gently. Squeeze it all the way up. If the corn got enough water, and enough time on the plant, it will feel full, all the way up to the top. If it feels like it's missing things, don't buy it. It is. DO look at the silks. The older an ear of corn is, the more brown those silks get. So if you find one with "silver silk," it's for you.

When you've decided on your 6/8/10/24 ears of corn, DON'T put them in your bag, topside up. The bottom of corn ears is sharp. And the ears are heavier toward the bottom. It's a very good way to tear your bag, and let the ears you so painstakingly chose, fall all over the place. No, put them UPSIDE DOWN. If you do that, the farmer will assume you know what you're doing, and perhaps give you a break on the sale. Probably not, but won't you feel proud?

You don't care? Well, do it anyway. Who needs to go running after errant corn?

I'm going to give you a recipe that is extremely easy, but at the same time, extremely difficult. You'll see what I mean. It's a recipe for a cold soup. For each serving, you will need two ears of corn at a minimum. You will also need a cup and a quarter of water, and you will need salt.

That's all. See how simple it is? Well, what if you didn't buy good corn? See what I mean?

What you need to do now, is get the corn off of the cob. I have used every one of those devices designed to make it easy. They don't. The only thing you will get is corn kernels all over the floor. The only way I have found to get corn off of the cob easily is to break the cob in half, turn each half on its side, vertically, and get a sharp knife and cut off the kernels, and push them to the side.

Now, the most important part of this recipe: take the back of your knife - the non-sharp side, and rub it, up and down over the cobs, about ten times per cob. Look at what you've got. You have all kinds of white, soft stuff on that knife. Now, taste it. This is the sugar part of the corn. Compare how it tastes to the kernels. Remember the old line "the closer to the bone, the sweeter the meat?" (you don't remember that either?). Well, the sweetest part of corn is right in the cob. So get all of that out. Some people call that the "corn milk."

So you now have your kernels, your corn milk and your cobs. You ain't done with those cobs yet. Oh, no. Here's my little trick for making a tastier soup. For every four cups of water you're working with, take four cob halves and put them into the water. Bring the water to the boil, turn it off, and let the cobs sit in it for about fifteen minutes (if you happen to have a basil sprig around, add that, too). What you're doing is adding just a bit more flavor to the soup you're going to make. Now, take the cobs out, add the kernels and the corn milk, and cook them, over low heat, until the kernels are very soft. This may take about twenty minutes. Let this cool.

Get out a food processor or, better, a blender, and start processing the soup in batches. Puree each batch for about two minutes. L onger than you might think, but you want to get as much out of that corn as you can.

If you have a food mill, now push this stuff through the mill, discarding the solids. Otherwise, press it through a strainer. Taste it. It will be bland, and sweet. Now add salt to taste , and you will be overwhelmed with the taste of fresh corn, in liquid form. You now have to do a bit of adjustment. Measure out how much soup you have . Add liquid to make sure that you have at least a cup and a quarter, preferably a cup and a half for each serving. The flavor won't be that diluted. Again, adjust for salt if you need to. Chill the soup, and serve it any time over the next three days.

You can put this out just as it is, and it's really good. If you happen to be in the mood, make some crispy pancetta or bacon to garnish it, or add a few halved cherry tomatoes (red ones), or some sliced avocado, or a bit of cucumber. Anything you might think would go well with corn, probably will. And there it is.

I think of this recipe as the vegetable version of pork cooked in milk. Minimal amount of ingredients, but you'd better make sure that things are drop dead great, and you have to be careful every inch of the way, to extract as much flavor as you can.

You probably don't remember when we were all instructed to ask "when was the corn picked?" and not to buy anything that was more than a day old, and to cook it as fast as possible, i.e, the old story of "hitch up your skirts, start a pot of water boiling, go out, pick your corn, run back, shucking as you go, and drop the corn into the water, and take it out in five minutes."

YOU DO remember that? Well, you don't have to do that anymore. Modern corn has got enough sugar to survive over more than a few days. I'm not sure I'm happy about that, but it is what it is.

And you don't even have to go to Kansas