Can you hear me now? Conch fritters

"Me" in this case, ragazzi, is the sea: Thalassa, the great mother. Annalena hopes to blue blazes that people still give their children seashells to hold up to their ears, to hear the sea just roaring through the shell. Ah, it reminds Annalena of the GOOD parts of going to the beach. And she hopes that, in some homes, there are still those big, somewhat goofy but also somewhat lovely, pink conch shells decorating the house, and gathering dust, souvenirs from a trip, somewhere.

Annalena has one of those shells. Not from a trip to Florida, or to the south seas, where these are most prevalent, but from a store in San Francisco, during one of the more memorable visits: the trip of 1989. The one where Annalena SOBBED for an hour that she didn't wanna go home. Sometimes, she still doesn't.

Oh, so where is this diatribe leading us? To conch. Annalena always pronounces the final h, so it's like "couch" with an "n" in it, but her betters tell her it's pronounced like "Konk", that sound that Batman and Robin used to produce in balloons on their old TV show. (Did you have a crush on Robin growing up? Annalena always went for older, but in this case).

OK, another digression ended. Here on the East Coast, we do in fact have conch, but they are smaller than those big specimens spoken about above. Nonetheless, they are here, and they are meaty and delicious and... very cheap. This week, at the fishmarket, Annalena could have purchased flounder, for 14.00 a pound, or scallops, at 17.00 a pound, or conch, at 5.50 a pound. She bought the conch, because she wanted something different. Jan, the miraculous lady of the fishes, lamented that all she had was fresh.

Now, this is an important point ragazzi, because conch is VERY tough. Freezing, and thawing it, tenderize it in a way that you cannot achieve other than by pounding it with a mallet, for long periods of time or... grinding it. And as Annalena had grinding (CONCH!!!) on her mind (actually, Poseidon himself, aka Wade), was there as well so perhaps grinding...)

Forgive her, ragazzi, Annalena is having a very trying day today and she needs her espresso. Truth is, Annalena makes conch pasta (scungilli in her mother tongue), with spicy tomato sauce, but that was not on the menu for the day. No, no no, Annalena had fried conch fritters in mind. And to make these, you need to grind up the conch meat.

Annalena learned, later that day, that in Florida, conch fritters and their preparation, are sort of like other foods elsewhere. They are taken VERY seriously, people protect their recipes, and there is much in fighting as to who makes the best. Annalena can get into this kind of thing, you know. Hers may not have been the best ever, but for a first time through, they were very good. And here is how she made them.

You start with one pound of conch meat. This will probably come in very large pieces, so cut it into cubes. Surgical precision is not necessary, but you want it to be small enough so that your food processor will handle it, because that's where it's going. Do it in two batches if you need to, and pulse it, until you have a mix that looks like rough chopped meat. Put this into a bowl, and then add one finely diced onion, a teaspoon or so of salt, a half teaspoon of cayenne pepper, some finely ground black pepper, three eggs, and a half cup of panko bread crumbs. Mix this all together and take a bit and taste it. If it's not salty enough, add more. Again, as we have learned recently with crab, shellfish is frequently NOT salty. And if you prefer your fritters spicier, add some more hot spices. This is yet another one of those recipes, where you have to improvise. Look at the mix. Does it seem too wet? If it does, add some more panko. Mix it all together, and cover the bowl. Put it in the refrigerator for at least three hours to firm up and chill.

This is going to make about 20 nice sized fritters, and if you want to do them fast, Annalena suggests that you put two pans along side of each other, and fill them with about 1/4 inch deep of a neutral vegetable oil. Heat these, over medium high heat, until the oil is good and hot. You can test this by dropping a small bit of the mix into the oil, and seeing if the stuff crisps up. When it does, get a big tablespoon, and lop heaping spoons of the batter into the oil. "Lop" may be a bad verb here. Be gentle putting them in, so that you don't spatter. They will cook quickly: no more than two minutes to a side. Have a paper lined tray ready, and put them on after you've browned the critter/fritters on both sides.

Annalena made a tartar sauce of mayonnaise and mixed green spices, with a bit of hot pepper in it. You can do this as well, or you can serve them with slices of lemon and lime , or you can make your own dipping sauce. Whatever you do, try to eat them as soon as they come out of the pan as possible.

Not fond of looking for conch? Well, then start with two cups of clams. Here, while Annalena abjures canned goods, you might try using a good variety of canned clams, unless you are in the mood to shuck, shuck, shuck.

This is probably not something you're going to want to eat every night, or even every week, but I bet you'll integrate it into your cooking, so that you have it once in a while. Make them, try them, and go for it. Who doesn't like fried food?