Oh, I'm versatile

Now THAT got some of your attentions, didn't it? Not that long ago, a good friend asked "do you mind if I ask a personal question?" Now, you KNOW that when that one comes up, there's no way to say NO. He's gonna ask it, one way or the other. So I said ok, and the question had to do, basically, with my preferred sexual position. I'm not going to answer that question here: if you don't know, it'll keep ya guessing. But for those of you who need a review, the "positions" are top, bottom and "versatile." All of these have endless connotations and variations, with some of us saying that "versatile" just means a bottom who won't admit it.

There. I said it. OK? Now can we move on?

In cooking, there are items that are "versatile" in the truest sense of the word (one way or the other, THIS one is gonna get me in trouble). If you like, they can serve as the "bottom" of a dish, or as the "top" of it (I CANNOT believe I am writing this stuff . What does it say about our society? NOTHING). What I'm presenting here is one of those lovely items you can use any way you like. I'm using it tonight as a "top", that is on top of a pizza. You could use it to "Top" a baked potato, or to "top" pasta, but you could also put it underneath a nice grilled piece of meat (OH GOD. What AM I getting myself into here?), or fish (I can hear Huck laughing now), whatever.

It was inspired by the beginning bounties of spring. The tiniest of onions, still purple, still with fragrant green leaves came in this week. And green garlic is here, those wonderful shoots of baby garlic that I love so much. And there were olives in the fridge begging to be used. So here it comes. Use it as you like. In fact, spread it on... someone... and lap it up.

You'll need equal amounts of chopped green garlic and spring onions. I used a bunch of the onions, which came to about 3/4 of a cup, and about five green garlic bulbs, which I chopped all the way up to where the garlic greens were getting tough. I didn't use the roots. Then, I pitted about an equal amount of small, green olives. To do this, all you do is press your knife down on the olive and the pit pops out. Sort of like.

God, now it's even gotten to me.

Ok, so heat a couple of tablespoons of olive oil in a big pan, and toss in all of the ingredients at once. Careful with the salt here, because olives are salty. Your veggie will sizzle right away, and you want to cook them for about five minutes. The sizzle will stop , and the pan will look dry. Add a few more spoons of olive oil, stir everything together, and you're done.

When it's cooled down, taste it for seasoning, and perhaps add more salt if you like it.

This can go on top of a piece of toast for a crudite, just as it is. Better if you mix it with some fresh good quality ricotta. Or, you can put it on pizza and maybe, ahem "top" it when the pizza comes out of the oven, with some slices of prosciutto. You might also stir it into soup, especially a mild soup like potato, or mushroom.

It will keep a long time, probably longer than the spring onions will be around. So make BATCHES of it. Hey, while we're all looking for the perfect bottom, or top, isn't it nice to have something around that is versatile and tasty?