Wanna see my mussel?

This was another week where, confronted with the choices of fish that were available, I found myself getting rather bored. This can be a problem this time of year. It's still rather cold out there in the water, and the species of fish that are in fact available, is limited. I guess the number is limited any time of year, but it seems that we haven't had much of a change in a while, because of the cold and the habits of fish. But I had been seeing mussels on menus for a while, ordering them occasionally, and felt "you know, I haven't made them in a while. It's time." And I should be doing that more.

Mussels are one of the true bargains in the seafood counter. They'll set you back about 2 bucks a pound, and a pound is a nice, big main dish portion. They CAN take a little bit of work, as I explain below, but usually, they don't.

You can read about "how to buy" mussels anywhere, and it's really rather intuitive. You don't want opened ones. If they're opened, and they don't close when you tap them, probably best to move on. What I do is if the fish monger isn't looking, I test to see how hard it would be for me to open one of them with just my fingers. A dead mussel opens easily a live one does not.

Of course, they do need to be opened before you can eat them, and we're going to get to that. But first, onto cleaning. In old cookbooks, you will see instructions on how to "debeard" the critters. Newer cookbooks tell you "that was true when mussels were gathered wild. All mussels are farmed now, and you don't have to worry about that. Just wash them."

Well, when I took my two pounds out of my bag, and I saw the "beards," I thought "oh well. Good thing I'm old enough to know better (about these guys). See, when mussels grow in the wild, they attach themselves to columns, piers , anything stable (which explains why there are none on my legs). That attachment is the product of internal secretions (gross you out yet?), that hardens in water. When the mussels are harvested, that goes with them, and it hangs from the tip, like a little "beard" It's easy to take off. You just grab it and pull. Of course, it can take a while if you have a lot of them, but each individual mussle cleans quickly, and not all of them will show it.

So, now you have "Samsonized" your mussels (and if you don't get the joke, shame on you). NOW what do you do? Well, there is a world of possibilities. What you need is a big pot, and some kind of flavored liquid base to cook them in. This can be as simple as salted water. Usually, though, you want a little more flavor. The way I do it is to chop up LOTS of garlic. For two pounds, six cloves is barely enough but you may want less. I also chop up a small bulb of fennel, if I have it, or celery to make about 3/4 of a cup, if I have that instead. I put those two elements together with some fresh herbs (thyme is nice here), into some hot oil and just stir them around for a couple of minutes. You can add some sausage meat here, and it's really good if you do. Chorizo is nice. You can also add some corn. Then, I pour in the mussels, together with half a cup of a dry white wine. You don't have to use wine. You can use stock, you can use tomato sauce, you can use cream or milk. If you use the dairy, be careful in the next step.

After you've added your liquids, cover the pot. Really, you should keep the pot tightly closed and lower the heat. With dairy products, there is going to be a fair amount of foaming, however, and you will want to have a "vent" to let the gas get out, so that you don't spill hot dairy all over your stove, put out the pilot light, burn milk sugar onto the surface and wind up having the place smell like mussels for weeks . (I'm NOT saying that ever happened to me).

The mussels will start opening almost immediately. It would behoove you to have a bowl ready and remove them, with a slotted spoon, as they do. Otherwise, they will overcook and taste like pencil erasers when you're done. After you get them all out, or - and this is important - you've gotten out all the ones that will open, you can start reducing a s auce a little if you like. IF some of the mussels don't open, what I do is see if they will open if I press a fingernail against them. I do this holding the hot shellfish in a napkin, to protect my hand. If they open, fine. If they don't dump them.

If you've done a tomato sauce base, you don't have to do any reducing. In fact, you don't have to do any reducing at all, regardless of your sauce. But if you feel you have too much liquid (the mussels will release theirs into your starter), then increase the heat to high and bubble off as much as you want. Then portion out the mussels and pour the liquid over them. And you're done. You have a really good meal in a very short length of time, and you didn't spend much money.

Now, you do have a meal with all that liquid. What do you serve with it? In many restaurants, they will serve you french fries, in the style of Belgium. I DO like this, but in rethinking the dish, I realize that I like the french fries "per se," and don't really think they help the mussels very much. I most like the mussels using a white wine kind of broth, and with big, thick slices of grilled garlic bread on the side. Others can disagree, but I'm right :). Seriously, if you've made them in a tomato sauce, there is nothing wrong, and everything right, with spending a bit more time and making some spaghetti and serving the mussels over that. Or, if you've decided to flavor your broth with chilis of some kind, and/or the chorizo, perhaps some cornbread will be where you go. While I love polenta, the thought of mussels on it gives me the skeeves, but if your sensibilities aren't offended, give it a try. And tell me how you like it.

So, there you have it. This is another wonderful thirty minute meal. You need to eat it with someone who isn't afraid to get his or her hands dirty, and/or to play with his or her food, because you're going to have to pick up the mussels and pull the meat out of the shells, and just suck it down. Have a bowl ready to toss the empties, maybe have some beer or cold white wine with it, and feel very smug about a good, solid, cheap, fast meal.

Good, solid, cheap and fast. You know, it sounds like someone I know's perfect boyfriend. But I wont' go there today....