No recipe, but ruminations on cooking, teaching and friends

Why do I cook? Oh, my. This is an easy question, and a hard one. I wish I could be as cavalier as Moira Shearer was in "The Red Shoes" (don't know the movie? SHAME ON YOU. Go and rent it immediately. Especially if you like ballet). When asked "why do you dance?" She answers "why do you breathe?" When her interrogator replies "but I must," she answers "now you know why I dance."

No, it's not that easy. I've cooked for over forty years. Why did I get interested in it? Who knows. It's not a chore, not a job. Sometimes I say "it's just something that I DO," because in many ways it is. But it's more. My partner talks about how singing makes him feel whole, when the day breaks him. And cooking does that to me, in ways that I can't explain.

Why do I cook FOR PEOPLE? Well, that's an easier question to answer. It's the best way I have to show people that I love them. Gift giving is nice, so is hugging, so is talking on the phone for hours. But ultimately, if you think about it, everyone knows - you do - when someone gives something that is "a part of them." When I cook for someone, I don't just slap something together. I think about the person, think about the situation, the season, as much about things that are going on as I can. For example, I have a friend who has told me that he loves cherries, and cherry pie in particular. So if he comes over during the summer, you know that there will be a cherry pie on the table for dessert. Now I know, and now I remember. And I validate him, and also myself, by doing that. He knows I pay attention to him, and I know that I'm doing the right thing, because I make a good cherry pie. I cannot tell you how many times I have been horrified when I've served something that someone is allergic to, doesn't like, can't eat, etc, even if I didn't know... BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. That, of course, is ridiculous, but you see where I'm going . At least I hope you do.

I've been ruminating about teaching cooking for the last few days, because of a sweet little situation, with another one of the "young'uns" who have entered my life.

I've spoken about Matthew, the squash king, and his 30 something years. Well, now there's another Matthew in my life, who's even younger: in his 20s. Last week, he came over and set up and loaded the Ipod that I've had for two years and made the sign of the cross over every time I passed it. These electronic things, I just don't get. But the young'uns seem to pick up the knowledge on how to do these things as they pass through the birth canal. This is part of their "intellectual heritage" for lack of a better word. And they try - OH, how they try - to share it with me. It doesn't work. I'm a dunce. So they do it for me.

So, I try to share MY intellectual heritage with whomever wants to learn it. There are no guarantees that the people I teach are going to take it with them and use it again. I HOPE they do, but there are no guarantees with this kind of thing. I've taught pizza making to about a half dozen people. I know one made one pizza, and it wouldn't surprise me if that were the end of it, for all of them. And it doesn't matter, it really doesn't. For an afternoon, we got together, we had a whole lot of fun, and I learned, too, watching these folks make their first pizzas, answering questions that I take for granted, and seeing how they construct their pizzas, with a care that I just don't give them anymore.

And even though they know how to make the pizzas, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop making them for these folks. Hell no. These are my FRIENDS. This is how I show I love them. There have been times, when I'm preparing for a dinner party, when I close my eyes, and I see my arms just stretching out and encircling EVERYONE coming that night in one, big, strong hug. And I don't want to let them go. So if the dinner runs long, wonderful. More time with my friends. We all need that. And we all have to do it any way we can. We have to TREASURE the ones we love. And I can do it through cooking. Maybe you can, too. It doesn't take much. But if you can't, then find some way to do it. And do it often. Without any expectation of reciprocation. Because if you expect something back, it doesn't count.

Know what? I just realized. I have some people I owe some cooking lessons to. And I'm gonna get moving on that.