When the dessert shouldn't be a dessert

Does anyone have any idea of what I'm talking about? If you're above a certain age, say 35 , I think you'll agree with me when I mention this culprit. It's cheesecake.

Think about it: do you ever really have room for a slice of the classic, NY style cheesecake at the end of a meal?

You do. Oh. Then it's just me. Well, then , you ignore everything I've said here and serve it for dessert and enjoy it. But for this ducky, who loves cheesecake, it simply is not something I can eat at the end of a meal.

I am specifying NY style cheesecake because there are so many variations on the theme of sweetened cheese as a dessert that it's unfair to lump all "cheesecakes" together. For example, is a molded circle of plain ricotta, with some fruit or some syrup over it, a cheesecake? If it is, I can eat that. I can eat two of them as a matter of fact. But the dessert I am going to present to you is just too much, period, regardless of how small the piece is.

I'm posting this because people seem to be afraid to make cheesecake. Honestly, it's about the easiest dessert you can make, if you want to treat it as a dessert. What I like to use it for is as a "come over for coffee and something" kind of thing. Of course, that then spoils your appetite for the rest of the day, but is that really such a bad thing? There are times when I want to spend extended periods of time with friends, but where that time falls right between lunch and dinner. I am uncomfortable having people in my home without offering them something to eat. And yes, there are a skazillion different things, like spiced nuts, fresh fruit, cookies, etc, but I have friends who are really, really special to me. I'm welling when I think about how much I love them. And while I make good biscotti, and I buy and serve good fruit, for some occasions, I want something special. And that's where this comes in.

NY cheesecake is based on cream cheese. And here, I have to be honest: I have used so many different types of cream cheese to make mine, that I can speak with some authority and say: get Philadelphia, and get the full fat kind. This is not a dessert for the light eater, but get yourself set for some serious calorie overload, and enjoy it. Enjoy it infrequently, but enjoy it.

Let's start with crust. Again, I have tried various things, but I always return to graham crackers. A package and a half. I put them in the food processor to crumb them, but if you're feeling like you had a particularly bad day, but the in a strong plastic bag and beat them until they're crumbs. While this is happening, melt a half stick of butter, and then mix it and the crumbs together. Many recipes now call for you to add a little sugar, which I find obnoxious. Leave it out. Get yourself a nice, 10 inch springform pan (ESSENTIAL), butter it on the inside, all over, and press the crumbs into the bottom. Put the pan into the oven, at 375, and bake it for eight minutes , while you get the rest of this ready: the filling.

Don't say you weren't warned. You will need five , 8 ounce packages of the Philadelphia cream cheese. Try to have it at room temperature. Put it into a strong mixer, with a cup and a half of sugar (now you understand why I left it out of the crust), and start that, at the paddle, while you collect the other ingredients (you can't overbeat this). You are going to need three tablespoons of flour, and you will also need a good tablespoon of vanilla, the grated peel of one lemon and one orange, five eggs (large ones), two egg yolks, and also a cup of sour cream.

Add everything to the cream cheese and sugar mixture and combine it. You'll have a very soft mixture, that looks like an uncooked custard because that is, in fact what it is. By now, your crust should be ready, so get the pan out of the oven and put it on a baking sheet. And push your oven up to 500 degrees (you didn't misread that. Trust me. If you don't trust me anywhere else, trust me here). Many recipes call on you to let the crust cool, but I don't find this necessary. Pour the custard into the springform pan, then put it into the oven, for twelve minutes. (Time is important here). At the end of twelve minutes, turn the oven down to 200, and bake it for one hour. At the end of that time, turn off the oven, and let the cheesecake cool for several hours, in the oven.

This cake will crack. I have read a million articles (I AM exaggerating in this posting, aren't I? See what cheesecake does?) on this topic and how to prevent it. None have worked for me, and you know what? I could care less. NO ONE is going to say to you "I want a slice from a part of the cake that wasn't cracked," and if they did, you don't want them in your live anyway.

Now, before I go forward, did you see how easy that was? Are you going to go out and make one tomorrow? I hope so.

Let the cake cook in the fridge, for at least a half a day. This is something that really does taste better iced cold, rather than at room temperature. I am not a fan of putting fruit or other toppings on it, because this takes away from that "OH MY GOD THIS IS FREAKING RICH" feeling you get from cheesecake. When you serve it, wet your knife, and cut slowly and cut many pieces. This will serve 16 hearty appetites, or 20 normal ones.

So have a bunch of people over for coffee or something like that. Have a party. Did you see how easy it was? I keep on harping on this because I want EVERYONE to do something where they invite their friends over and celebrate. You can't do that enough. I am hurting now as a very good friend is about to take a very good job, that will do him very good, and will move him so far from me that I will rarely see him, and now I regret not spending more time with him. A cheesecake may or may not have fixed that, but for heaven's sake, if you have an excuse to spend time with the people you love, DO IT. And coffee and cake is a good way. PLEASE. Don't miss the chance to "hang out" with buddies. Life is way too short