Andrew's balls.

(This is gonna be fun. I promise).

On Sunday, Guy and I went to a chorus function where our friend Andrew was leading a game of "Porno bingo." Honestly, it was the kind of event that we would not have gone to were Andrew not emceeing the game. THAT was the high point for us.

With respect to my friendship with Andrew, let's say it started in an odd way. Andrew won't believe me when I say this, but we were both intimidated by the other. We knew of each other, but neither made the effort. But at some point one of us, or maybe both of us, in Michelle Shocked's words "crossed that burning bridge," and at least from my stanpoint it's been a terrific friendship.

And playing Bingo, for the first time in about thirty five years, was interesting. We all have those kind of "Proustian moments," where a world lost comes back to us by coincidence. For me, putting that first mark on my Bingo card brought me back to my teens, playing Bingo with Mom and Nana, and all the other ladies in those big halls. Oh, those ladies were foul, and the emcees always knew it. "OK ladies, we're about to start the match, anyone wanna check my balls?" Or the fact that half the room would WOO WOO when he called out "O69" All kinds of things like that. And I remember my mother saying "Oh I'm not going back to that hall. Have you seen his balls? They're filthy. "

Well, Andrew's balls were clean, and in different colors. That was new to me. And he handled them well. The whole thing was handled really, really well.

So in the spirit of the remembrances that Andrew brought me, I'm posting a recipe that Italians normally do NOT share: their meatball recipe. Like so many other Italian classics, every Italian has a different recipe. Some are ghastly. Some are great. My grandmother's were celestial. My Aunt Philomena's were not. And there would be dialogu like Aunt P saying "Jenny, these meatballs are wonderful. Are you ever gonna share the recipe with me?" And my Nana smiling and saying "how about a nice big sausage, P? I know you haven't had good sausage in a long long time."

And they wonder where gay guys get their material?

So anyway, here's my recipe, for Andrew. I hope you make it.

Now, my recipe calls for four pounds of meat, which sounds like a lot. It is. But I tell you, when it's done, you will wish you made more. You can share these, freeze them, have a big party, but they will disappear very quickly.

Good meatballs need different kinds of meat. I use 2 pounds of ground beef , 1 of pork and 1 of lamb. Most people do use pork and beef, but will substitute veal for lamb. I like the taste that the lamb brings to the mix, but use veal if you like, or leave it out completely. I get my hands on my meat and mix it really well. Then, for each pound of meat, I add half of a very finely chopped onion, a chopped clove of garlic, and a third of a cup of bread crumbs. Use the plain, unflavored ones, because you're going to flavor this yourself. Everyone likes his meat to taste differently. You'll also need a couple of eggs. Some people use more, but I use one egg, to two pounds of meat, and then salt and pepper, and again, dried seasonings. HEre, you just have to eyeball things and see what tastes good to you. I have no problem with eating raw meat, but if you do, then you should get a little frying pan and put in some olive oil and fry bits of the meat, and taste it. Do that, with adjustments, until you have meat that tastes good to you. If your meat is very lean, you'll have to add some olive oil, which is not a problem.

Now, it's time to play with your balls. Get a baking sheet, line it with parchment. Again, get your hands on your meat, and form balls. You can get your balls in your hand and shape them as you see fit. If you prefer bigger balls, it's your choice. If smaller, go ahead. You really have to think about whether you want to put the whole thing in your mouth at once or not, and that will determine the size. Four pounds of meat will give you a good 48-54 balls.

Now, what do you do? Most Italians will drop the balls directly into hot tomato sauce and let them cook until they're done. And I do that with about 2/3 of them, and then freeze those. I also fry about a third of them, taking my time in some hot olive oil. You want those balls to be nice and dark, and to do that, you have to let the balls get hot in the oil, until they brown. Then turn them. You can finish them off in the oven if they don't get cooked through in the frying pan (break a ball and see. That's the only way to tell).

48 meatballs is plenty to share. So if you want to bring someone over to share your balls with him now is the chance. And Andrew, this one is very easy. You can do it, but if you want, we can hook up and work on balls anytime you want. Who knows? Maybe we'll even do what my Nana did , and put some sausage with her balls as well.