The cuter the animal...

"the tastier the meat." That's a quote from my "nephew in law," (if there is such a term), Teran. Teran, his wife Amy, and their son, Connor, came into my life after September 11, 2001. The story of how we connected is best left to my partner Guy to tell. I will simply say that it was one of the most treasured meetings of my life. DAMN do I LOVE those people. T hey lived in NY, and NJ for a while and are now in Washington, and I miss them every day.

But back to the saying above. Teran is a big guy. A BIG guy. And a funny one. You could see him splitting timber for a living, or steer wrestling, or any of those things that big guys do. But he's a self described computer geek, who leaves the hard work for Amy, one of the funniest people on the face of this planet.

We used to have them over for dinner a lot, and I never realized that I was serving things like lamb, veal, and the subject of this piece, quail. It was in considering these smaller, cuter animals, I think when eating his fifth lamb chop, that Teran made that memorable statement.

I'm not sure if the rule is universal: I think a good roast beef is one of the great dishes in the world of cooking, and a pork shoulder cooked in milk will always get me to your house for dinner. Still, quail, cooked well, is a truly delicious, elegant meal. And it's easy. If you think you can't cook chicken (not that easy to do), you CAN cook quail

But you do have to get over a few things. Quail are tiny. So when you have those little bodies in front of you, you have to stop thinking "I'm cooking tweety bird." And you have to bite the bullet, so to speak. Quail usually come with their necks attached. You have to get rid of those. And the easiest way to do it is to grab it and twist one way while turning the body the other way.

Ok, everyone finished with "EWWWWWWWWW?' Can we move on?

Quail are very lean birds, and they do best on stove top cooking. And they are friend food, because trying to eat a quail with a knife and fork will remind those of us who are of "substanital years," of the scene in Gigi where poor Leslie Caron tries to eat ortolans. (those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, rent the movie. It's part of your education. You'll learn, amongst other things, that sexy doesn't mean naked, and if you don't smile and shed a tear when Maurice Chevalier and Hermione Gingold sing "Ah yes, I remember it well," you should consider some therapy).

Ok, now that I've got that off my chest, here's what you do for quail: you pat them dry, you salt and pepper them. You put them in a hot pan with some oil, and brown them on one side for six minutes, turn them over and brown them for another six minutes, and you're done. You can get up to six quail in a pan at a time, and since you're not spending a lot of time cooking them, you can make a bunch and again, impress people who will say things like "GOD. I saw this on menus and never ordered it. It's GOOD.'

I'm going to give you a more complex recipe , from the amazing Judy Rogers at Zuni Cafe. She makes this with a mix of quail and sausages, or sausages alone, or quail alone. I've changed her recipe. she likes fennel seeds in it, and that's real tasty. I like sage better, especially in autumn, which is when I'm writing this.

This is a dish where you should get grapes with seeds, if you can. The crunch helps make the dish really tasty. Try to get local ones, and remember that grapes are not in season for a long time. Ask the seller. You don't want something very sweet, like concords. Get a drier, tarter grape, usually a green one. I make this with polenta, and at the end of the recipe, I will give you my secret for making perfect polenta. The books are WRONG.

Two quail will serve a person very generously, unless you're a big ole' guy like Teran, and you'll need three or even four to feel truly satisfied. And sit there, linger over them. Rip em apart with your fingers, lick your fingers, suck the bones, and have a good time. Remember: you're with friends. Either you, or they, spent some time doing this to treat you. No cook is happier than when people do that. Trust me.

4 quail, salted
olive oil
a pound of grapes, preferably organic, with seeds, off the stem (you can cut them in half if you like, but if you're going to do that, go read a book instead)
a few sage leaves

vinegar at the side

Heat the olive oil over medium heat for a few minutes, and add the sage leaves. Add the quail, breast side up, and cook for three or four minutes, without moving them. Then, turn them breast side down, and do the same thing. They won't be finished cooking, even though they're browned, and that's okay. Remove them to the side for a minute and keep them warm. Add the grapes and watch them sizzle. When they begin to collapse - and it can take five or ten minutes, add the quail back, cover the pan, and let the whole thing cook for five minutes or so. Jiggle a leg on a quail. If it moves easily, you're done. Taste it, and add the vinegar if it's too sweet for you.


Now, while this is happening, make your polenta. Every cookbook I've read tells you to bring liquid to a boil, and then add the polenta, little by little, stirring constantly. I did this for years, and I always got lumpy polenta. I consulted with my local Venetian chef, who gave me a look of death and called me stupid. She told me that "everybody knew" that you start polenta in COLD water, and shook her head, muttering something like "stupid american."

Damn if she wasn't right. so here's what you do. Take four cups of liquid. anything you like. Salted water is traditional, as is stock, but it can be milk, it can be cream if you have amazing cholesterol, it can be wine and stock, whatever you like. Make sure it's well seasoned. Then add one cup of dry polenta, turn on the flame, medium heat, and start whisking. You DO have to whisk constantly. You'll see the stuff change consistency, and eventually soften. Be careful. Polenta boils vigorously, it's hot, and it can burn you. It will take about fifteen, or twenty minutes. When it's done, take a look at how little fat you put in the quail and how lean those birds are. So go ahead, no one's gonna yell if you put some butter in the polenta, or some cheese, and again, you're gonna have a delicious meal.


Maybe Teran was right.