BEETEN UP

If you're of a certain age, you remember that command: EAT YOUR BEETS!!!! In fact, you could probably substitute many other vegetables for beets, but that one stands out in many minds because of just how AWFUL those beets were. Out of a can, rarely a jar, they stared at you, with a color that looked like a bad wound, dripping juice, with a texture that just made you think, horrible things. Sometimes, I remember we would get them in waffle cuts, which I guess was supposed to make them more appetizing, but somehow, just made them worse

(By the way, when I think of the "EAT YOUR...." command, I wonder: did any of us ever see an adult actually eat a portion of whatever it was we were supposed to eat? And they wonder why we all wind up in therapy, or hating foods, or whatever. But just think about that if you're feeding kids: maybe it would be a good rule to never serve a child something you wouldn't eat yourself. I'm just thinking there are a lot of babyfood companies that would be out of business tomorrow).

I have many memories of such experiences, and while I've not gotten over some of them (no, I am NOT going to eat calves liver. EVER. ), beets have rehabilitated themselves.

Not without a struggle, as Paul Lynde used to say.

Beets are not the easiest vegetable to become fond of. Most of us see them as these forbidding , humongous lumps of dark, dark DARK matter in stores, and when we come back three months later, we recognize the same beets still sitting there. If you DID take them home, you probably tried to boil them, which resulted in quarts of dark red liquid, stains all over your kitchen, and a product that didn't taste much better than what we got when we were kids.

Fortunately, someone "got it," probably someone in Europe where beets are treated with reverence, and are eaten small. While I am no fan of "all things French," I find the idea of vacuum packed, peeled, cooked beets absolutely brilliant. Open the package, and all you need to do is use them.

But you need to know what to use them FOR. Maybe I can help.

One thing you should NOT use them for is shredded beet and walnut pie. Yes, it sounds gross, and you can ask yourself 'WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD WAS HE THINKING?' Well, it LOOKED pretty. Shredded beets have a lovely, ruby color. And beets have the highest sugar content of any vegetable, except for onions. It SHOULD have worked. It didn't. One bite, and I was pulling out the Haagen Dasz for my guests.

So, no beet pies. And unfortunately, I've not seen the vacuum packed beets available here, so you're gonna have to cook them yourself. And if you get the small ones, they are ridiculously easy to prepare. Here's what you do.

Get SMALL ones. Whether they are the standard red ones, the beautiful golden ones (my favorites), or the striped chioggia beets, if they are too big, you will get frustrated. If they are smaller, and attached to their greens (NEVER let the farmer or store take those greens from you!), separate them from the greens, put them into a small baking dish with about a half inch of water, cover the dish tightly with tin foil, and put them in the oven at 400 for thirty minutes. After thirty minutes, take off the foil and insert a knife in one of them. Does it feel too hard? By too hard, do you think you would not want to feel that texture in your mouth? If the answer is no, take them out and let them cool for about fifteen minutes. If the answer is yes, let them bake another fifteen minutes and test them again.

When they're done, and cool, protect your hands with a cloth or paper, or something like that, and rub the skin off. It will just come away very easily. Try not to wash them, to keep the flavor. Now comes the fun part. If the beets are small, half them. If they're bigger, quarter them. You can cut them in round slices if you like as well. Put them in a bowl, and sprinkle them with some kind of acid. I really like white wine or champagne vinegar here, but you could use what you like. Orange juice or lemon juice, alone or with the vinegar, are also good. When beets are warm, their texture is such that they will pick up that acid, and it will bring out all that is good in them (Incidentally, regardless of the color, the flavor is the same, at least to me).

Now, what? You can eat them, just like this, as I sometimes do, on a plate with some other salad or salads, like shredded carrots with cayenne pepper and vinegar, or a cucumber sour cream salad, and some chunks of cheese. Or you can put them into a green salad, or a salad with some cheese. Goat cheese is a natural accompaniment for beets, as is sheep's cheese, if it's nice and sharp. One of the nicest dishes I ever had was a plate of golden beets, with a blue cheese, walnuts, slices of blood orange, and a drizzle of honey over the whole plate. You could use them in soups, pureeing them if you have enough of them, the possibilities are endless! You'll find tons of recipes on line: beets are a darling of the restaurant trade now, because they're cheap, and the flavor is dense, so you don't use a lot of them. And because prep cooks get paid dirt, they don't cost a lot to prepare, and because people like me are willing to pay 11.00 for a beet salad, you've got a money maker here. Gentle reader, however, now that you're onto the secret, you can save your money for more cocktails.

Now, what about those greens? Ever wonder what farmers do with that box of greens that they have behind the stand , collected from people who have said " tops off please?" They're selling them to a restaurant, because they're healthy, they're easy to cook, and they are better for you than spinach.

Hell, you paid for them, you may as well do something with them. DO know that you have to use beet greens no more than two days after you bought them, otherwise they will basically turn to mush in your fridge, begin to ferment, stink to the high heavens, and make you think a cat moved into your home and died. Well, maybe not that bad, but close.

You can use beet greens just about anywhere you would use FULL sized spinach. They don't substitute for baby spinach.

I use them just about all the time in the following. It's a recipe that Marian Burros put in the Times years ago, as a healthy pasta sauce that kids would eat. Well, I've "unhealthied" it by getting rid of the low fat ricotta (BLECH). And I've kicked up the flavor with some pepper and some sharp cheese. Go to it.

Take one or two bunches of beet greens, and pull the leaves off of the stems . This is really easy to do. Just grab half of the leaf and pull up. You'll get the hang of it quick. Then, cook them quickly in some boiling salted water. Maybe 3 minutes or so. Let them cool.

Then, get your food processor ready, put in a pound of GOOD ricotta, the greens, a pinch of salt, a grind or two of pepper, and let 'er rip. You'll get this lovely green sauce that you'll want to spoon out and eat right there. And you CAN do that. You can also pile it up on toast as a snack with drinks. BUT WAIT. Try grating some parmesan or some pecorino into it, and stir the whole thing up. Now, you've reached the Platonic form of "BEET GREENS." Boil up some pasta, toss the green sauce with it, and you have dinner.

Give beets another try. How many vegetables do you know that provide you with two, different meals from one veggie?